currently, the world feels cruel around me but on earth we are briefly gorgeous!
On earth we are briefly gorgeous!
the book has nothing to do with this blog. it's on my to-read list but haven't been able to. in this note, it's just a reminder to myself that we all are briefly gorgeous. i love the title of this book. they say don't judge a book by it's cover, i don't agree with whoever said it. a title says a lot, the cover art speaks to the soul- it's those few seconds on reading the title, scrolling your fingers through that art makes you want to pick a book.
another train of thought appeared and took me straight to Jaisalmer palace in a small shop of an artist- he asked me book comes first or the title. i often wonder the same about the blogs that i write. i don't remember the conversation we exchanged but i am very sure i din't find a convincing answer yet because i am still in wonderment of that question itself.
i notice my blogs are feelings dependent. is it okay? i want a teacher, a guide who can help me build this muscle. as i am writing this, i am questioning why it is not okay. what's wrong in feeling based writing! because it's like a fleeting moment. it feels beautiful to catch a firefly thought etched on a paper. the very act in which you feel the feeling fully and see through in the mirror beyond the layers of illusions.
what if they are not feeling dependent, write about something you want to develop mastery over. that compounds into a skill, art and like i said mastery. i am in love with this word. write about the tiny experiments with your son, and education systems. solve for good teachers. the resistance is huge.
isn't it similar to meditation? some say meditate for the awareness to see through your patterns, watch every thought arise and fade away. others say just focus on your breath. what is the ultimate goal? i have never ever chased enlightenment, and wonder how i got so blessed with the gifts i have received from the mother. love child! grateful and awe - are the two constant feelings with me. no matter where i start i always end up on the two. what a beautiful feeling it is to feel both!
am i silently punishing myself? am i ashamed of myself for not showing up to write? am i secretly beating myself up, critiquing and mocking at that girl calling her- lazy, indisciplined, not good enough? yes i am. i am angry and sad, like cyan says. oh i love that boy.
how do i teach him- what it means to love yourself! how to live- 'sher banke'?
the world feels cruel right now because it feels like i am showing for every role everyday except for the one most important role- the artist in me. i miss her. this feeling i am projecting on whoever i feel are honouring the artist and the art, often takes the form of jealousy.
some would say com'on you just delivered a baby it feels like an excuse to me. if i can make time for scrolling, i can make time to show up.i chose not to live out of an excuse.
just a reminder- on earth we are briefly gorgeous. may you all keep creating and living art- you, the artist.
before i lose the thought,
- maybe i want to start an anonymous letter service :) how would the process look like, i wonder!
- maybe pick the artist way again, but feels like a lot of work right now :P
it's 10:10 pm, i can sense my brain shutting down.
bye bye for now!